What is a Quadriplegic?
Simply, a person who is paralyzed in both arms and both legs. It's caused very easily, you have damaged your spinal column and cord, by either breaking the cord clean, or as in the case of my father, bruising the cord. Quadriplegic's will refer to themselves as quads.
There are many conditions that make up a quadriplegic, you may see a Spastic Quadriplegic, Spastic Triplegic (3 limbs go spastic), Spastic Hemiplegic (one whole side of the body goes spastic), Spastic Monoplegic (only one limb is spastic), an upside down quad (has leg movement, possibly can walk, but no upper body strength), a series of injuries and resulting conditions depending on the height of the injury. My father, much like Christopher Reeve, was a high quad. Other quads maybe lower, giving them a variety of different capabilities. This all depends as well on whether this was a clean break or a bruising type injury.
My father was a high quadriplegic, but he suffered bruising of the spinal column, so he had a fighting chance of recover. In fact, the doctors felt so strongly about his recovery, they sedated him, and caused him to be asleep for 30 days so that he would not move at all. They also gave him a medicine that paralyzed him so that even in his sleep there would be no minor movements. Of course, as we found out when he woke, this didn't completely work, but we were left with hope that he would become an upside down quad. Someone that might even be able to walk, but suffer low upper body strength.
The importance with being a quadriplegic, for health and lifestyle reasons, is obviously to have as much of your spinal column and cord work after rehabilitation if rehabilitation is even possible. My father was lucky and unlucky at the same time. Due to his upside down nature of being a quad, he was able to feel quite a bit in his extremities and body. This helped for things like early detection of bed sores - which can kill - as well as circulation issues in his limbs. However, the tremendously crappy part about this, you feel things you can't fix. If he hurt or got a charlie horse, or a spasm, he couldn't do anything about it. If he had an itch he couldn't scratch it.
My father by 6 months into his injury, did get off the breathing tube and recovered quite a bit of movement in his arms. He stopped progressing in walking, but eventually was able to even feed himself, that is until the spasms of being a Spastic Quadriplegic took over and he lost that too.
Being a quadriplegic, my father made the very best of the life he had for those 10 years. He very rarely was serious about being a quadriplegic and truly embraced his condition. He became an extensive volunteer, advocate, and even a pastor.
Showing posts with label father. Show all posts
Showing posts with label father. Show all posts
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
What is a Spastic Quadriplegic
What is a Spastic Quadriplegic?
A Spastic quadriplegic is a condition that causes quads and other paralyzed individuals to become what is knows as "Spastic". My father would get into fits of "spastic" episodes all the time, daily in fact. From my experience working very close with my father daily, weekly, monthly, year after year and becoming very close to so many quad's, this is something that quadriplegics share. You may also hear this as a spastic tetraplegia condition, this is the same thing, just a different medical term.
Literally a Spastic Quadriplegic becomes "spastic" where specifically all limbs (feet and arms) as well as the entire body in some cases, looks as though they are seizing. The body is shaking or trembling, depending on the level of spastic quadriplegia the patient may have. Some patients may see that there is only one side or one half of their body that is effected which is more like Spastic Triplegia (3 lims involved, 1 leg, both arms or 1 arm, both legs), Spastic Hemiplegia (affecting only one half of the body, either the entire left or right side, but not both), or Spastic Monoplegia (affecting only one limb, either just one arm, or just one leg).
My father was a Spastic Quadriplegic and it was very difficult to watch as the treatment is so hit or miss. In 1999 when he became a quad, there was a new drug out that he started in on, it kept things in line, his spastic quadriplegia down, and it seemed as though he might turn into an upside down quad. Just as he began to start to walk, while not having much of any movement in the arms, the medicine failed to work and he became very rigid due to the spastic quadriplegia, and this is when the condition became very painful. This is also when he began his treatment of a series of what seemed to be 10 drug combination to combat the problem.
The frustrating part is that it is painful. Think of a charlie horse and how hard that is to get rid of and how painful that can be. If a quad is spastic enough, then these bouts can be very intense and very painful and there is nothing you can do to fix the issue as it is happening, just as in a seizure, you have to let it pass. The onset is strange as well. It might be a sneeze or a cough, a nerve or muscle twitch, or in transporting/shifting the quad a muscle movement gone wrong.
My father was always a trooper. He never complained - well, at least to me - even when our conversations would lead to tears of longing for a different life. He worked through each spastic bout and was never stopped completely by being a spastic quadriplegic.
For more information on the difficulty in tracking, medicating and resolving spastic quadriplegia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spastic_triplegia
A Spastic quadriplegic is a condition that causes quads and other paralyzed individuals to become what is knows as "Spastic". My father would get into fits of "spastic" episodes all the time, daily in fact. From my experience working very close with my father daily, weekly, monthly, year after year and becoming very close to so many quad's, this is something that quadriplegics share. You may also hear this as a spastic tetraplegia condition, this is the same thing, just a different medical term.
Literally a Spastic Quadriplegic becomes "spastic" where specifically all limbs (feet and arms) as well as the entire body in some cases, looks as though they are seizing. The body is shaking or trembling, depending on the level of spastic quadriplegia the patient may have. Some patients may see that there is only one side or one half of their body that is effected which is more like Spastic Triplegia (3 lims involved, 1 leg, both arms or 1 arm, both legs), Spastic Hemiplegia (affecting only one half of the body, either the entire left or right side, but not both), or Spastic Monoplegia (affecting only one limb, either just one arm, or just one leg).
My father was a Spastic Quadriplegic and it was very difficult to watch as the treatment is so hit or miss. In 1999 when he became a quad, there was a new drug out that he started in on, it kept things in line, his spastic quadriplegia down, and it seemed as though he might turn into an upside down quad. Just as he began to start to walk, while not having much of any movement in the arms, the medicine failed to work and he became very rigid due to the spastic quadriplegia, and this is when the condition became very painful. This is also when he began his treatment of a series of what seemed to be 10 drug combination to combat the problem.
The frustrating part is that it is painful. Think of a charlie horse and how hard that is to get rid of and how painful that can be. If a quad is spastic enough, then these bouts can be very intense and very painful and there is nothing you can do to fix the issue as it is happening, just as in a seizure, you have to let it pass. The onset is strange as well. It might be a sneeze or a cough, a nerve or muscle twitch, or in transporting/shifting the quad a muscle movement gone wrong.
My father was always a trooper. He never complained - well, at least to me - even when our conversations would lead to tears of longing for a different life. He worked through each spastic bout and was never stopped completely by being a spastic quadriplegic.
For more information on the difficulty in tracking, medicating and resolving spastic quadriplegia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spastic_triplegia
Monday, April 18, 2011
His Abilities Never Stopped Amazing Me
His abilities continued to amaze me every day.
My father was always talented. He was a very unique man. He was self taught in everything and became very accomplished in most of what he set out to do. He was technically minded, but he had the soul of an artist.
Unfortunately, my father did not leave a lot of time in his able-bodied life to explore what he might accomplish with his artistic abilities. He spent most of his days and time, when not working, with his family, playing with us kids, getting into mischief.
Once my father became a quad, there was an abundance of time. He began to explore more in depth those things that he seemed to not have the time for as an able-bodied man. It saddens me sometimes when I think about what he (and my mother for that matter) gave up in their personal lives to be amazing parents to us.
Now that I am a father, I look to my parents as examples. I find myself in the same contradiction, facing the laundry, cleaning the house, getting ready for one of her events, and finding little time to continue to explore the areas of interest that I have. I would not have it any other way, and I believe truly that is what my father felt, which without fail, lifts my spirits when I begin to think of what he gave up in his able-bodied life.
As a quadriplegic, my father grew greatly in his art. I am in the process of capturing digitally all that he did. He became a painter, worked with glass, and stamped out images on tin. He made cards for all seasons, and began to teach himself perspective drawing.
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| Mouth Painting - Dennis Flynn Stinson III |
My father was always talented. He was a very unique man. He was self taught in everything and became very accomplished in most of what he set out to do. He was technically minded, but he had the soul of an artist.
Unfortunately, my father did not leave a lot of time in his able-bodied life to explore what he might accomplish with his artistic abilities. He spent most of his days and time, when not working, with his family, playing with us kids, getting into mischief.
Once my father became a quad, there was an abundance of time. He began to explore more in depth those things that he seemed to not have the time for as an able-bodied man. It saddens me sometimes when I think about what he (and my mother for that matter) gave up in their personal lives to be amazing parents to us.
Now that I am a father, I look to my parents as examples. I find myself in the same contradiction, facing the laundry, cleaning the house, getting ready for one of her events, and finding little time to continue to explore the areas of interest that I have. I would not have it any other way, and I believe truly that is what my father felt, which without fail, lifts my spirits when I begin to think of what he gave up in his able-bodied life.
As a quadriplegic, my father grew greatly in his art. I am in the process of capturing digitally all that he did. He became a painter, worked with glass, and stamped out images on tin. He made cards for all seasons, and began to teach himself perspective drawing.
Monday, April 4, 2011
The Hardest Thing to Do with A Quadriplegic is Leave
Image by Kjirstin via FlickrLeaving was always the hardest
Every time I had to leave my father’s bed was difficult. A surge of emotions would wrap me up like a straight jacket.
I had a unique relationship with my father, a mirror of that with my mother. I tell everyone that truly I believe I had a fairy tale child hood, minus the million dollars – although, I do not know that a million dollars would have made us any happier as kids. See, my father and I were best friends, much like my mother and I, but not without the loss of parenting. As a child, I was still reprimanded and disciplined as a son by both, but I would rather, for most of my youth, go and hang out with my father or parents for that matter than my friends.
My father and I would get up early on the weekends and go get into trouble, often times with my Uncle, who has always been in my heart and mind, my dad as well. We would get into new stuff all the time, the trio, my brother as well. I am unable to remember much of my youth without my father and Uncle in it.
As my time with my father on any particular visit ended, it became chokingly hard to leave. I would begin to remember all the days he and I were together. All the times he spent at my side if I was sick or hurt. All the sacrifices he made. I would start to lay the guilt on myself. How can I be leaving right now? Am I really giving him, this man that gave me everything he had, my full heart, time and attention. The answer of course was yes, he knew that, and anyone that knows me knew it. However, a convicted heart can be hard to talk with.
Of course, most of this stems from my underlying guilt that I created the issue that sent my father into his transformation.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
I Use To Fear Expalanation to my daughter
I use to worry about my daughter meeting my father. Once we got pregnant, I began to think about how to explain her grandfather to her. How was I going to explain how and why my once strong and mighty father was now a quadriplegic.I am not sure where this came from. I never felt the need to explain my father to anyone. I certainly had no loss of respect for him, but I guess I was concerned with how my daughter would come to understand him. Sadly, before my daughter was capable of fully understanding her grandfather, my father passed away.
Now all I think about is why I wasted any minute of my day on such a silly concern. Watching my daughter, it is obvious how we as parents feed her fears and concerns. Children are so accepting and non-judgmental. They begin to learn their reactive skills from us.
My daughter did get to meet her grandfather; it saddens me that my son will not be able to meet him though. My daughter saw my father often, not as often as I would have liked. She and he loved their time together. Since his arms were of little mobility, she would lay on his stomach and kiss him, suck on his chin, poke his face and play with his instruments that gave him some freedom, like his computer microphone that controlled his room.
I am encouraged with my daughter’s love of God and growing understanding of heaven. I believe that she will come to understand my father, even though physically she will not remember much of him. My son, too I believe in my heart will grow to have a love and understanding of their grandfather.
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Monday, September 20, 2010
I Thought I Was Prepared
Image via WikipediaThe first time I drove him somewhere was the last. I had done it before, hand transferring him from a wheel chair to the car, when we left Casa Colina and headed to the VA Hospital in Long Beach. This time though, I dropped him. I instantly started to feel like a real piece of dirt, “I’m dropping my father; there is nothing I can do,” straight into a series of embarrassing frustrated thoughts of now what!
I had driven to Roselle’s home to see my dad and last minute we decided, well I talked him into letting me try, to go off together in my truck. This was not just any truck, but a speaker on wheels and I’ll never forget the first time my dad got in that car with me way before he was transformed.
My dad bought the truck in 1997, I had already graduated high school and I was attending Saddleback College, still loving my Land Cruiser, a 1977 FJ40, which was a present from my parents for obtaining my Eagle Scout. I loved the yota, but in ’98 my photography business was booming and I was driving all over the place, so I started to work something out with my dad.
Then In 1998 somewhere in that year, my dad started riding a street bike, a real piece of work. It was a Kawasaki 1000, an old cop bike. It was a trip to ride, I took it out a couple of times when no one was paying attention, and the cars would instantly slow down or pull over as Icame up on them because even though I didn’t have the cool stuff like a shot gun, flashing lights or anything else that distinguishes a cop bike from a civilians, it still looked pretty close, and no one was willing to take a chance. At any rate, my dad let me have the Nissan truck for all my travles.
It didn’t take me long to go to work on the truck, dropping it on Beltech racing suspension, lead shot the tail gate, rims, and the 18 speakers in the cab! I was pushing over 10,000 wats 2 12” Cerwin Vega’s and vega’s all around in 6 ½”, 4’s and tweets, all pointing in optimum direction for maximum sound. The first test run cracked the back window followed by cracking the front. There was over 200 pounds of dynomatt in the car and it boomed! Got a ticket one time from a 1 mile approach, the cop said he heard me and it took me what seemed like forever to get to him. He told me he never heard anything like it – well he hadn’t met my buddy with his VW bug and his 32” vega!!
After the car was Deano-fied, I showed it off to my dad, blinging the chrome in the wheels, the shinny Toyota front end I put on and the ultimate sound. My dad was like a kid in again. We took it up and over to cook’s corner and I had no clue you could drive a truck that fast! Each turn he went faster and faster and I raised the volume louder and louder, of course to rock and roll, none of that rap crap (my favorite in the sound machine). I would never have thought this would be the last time he would drive with me in a car, at least as my father I grew up with.
I’ll never forget his face and the excitement he had when he drove that truck. I was proud of myself that I made something that he loved. It was common enough in my life, me impressing my dad with my abilities and talents, but I never grew tired of it. I loved being with him, hanging out, talking, doing guy stuff, whatever, he was always my dad, but we were truly best buds – always.
Now, I was picking him up a little more than a year after that joy ride and it was different. I told him I would like to go for a drive with him and I knew I could transfer him into the truck, my concern was getting him out because that was a down to up move which took more strength and leverage, but I was confident. I had preapred for this by working with individuals at Casa Colina for his first transfer I did and mentally going voer the moves I would do in transfering him. More than anything I just wanted to go cruise with him again. So I talked him into letting me get him in the truck and going out. He obliged. He was also much lighter at this time. Early on in his transformation he was still thin and I could move him into position, there was no way later on that I was going to be able to do this with him.
Getting him in to leave and then out of the truck to our destination was fine, so I was thinking this was a simple idea and we headed into the Snake Pit for the meeting, followed by some coffee with some of the guys. After the meeting we walked over to the flee-market, just browsing, we both loved the window shopping experience, as long as it was guy stuff we were staring at. After a bit of a lunch we walked back to the car and that’s when it happened. My transfer of him back into the car was a disaster. I’m not sure what went wrong, but I dropped him. Now I have a 180 pound anchor at my feet and it’s my dad and I’m near to tears because I’ve dropped my dad.
I muscled him with as much determination as I could back up into the seat, apologizing the whole way through. It took me at least 4 tries, picking him up, losing my strength, losing my grip, and dropping him back down. My dad being himself the encouraging loving father he always was to me just kept telling me how good I was doing and that I could get him up into the seat. I did, but to this day it’s a memory I feel bad about and can vividly re-create. I can still see me barely holding on to him slipping to the ground into a pretzel shape of a ball, lying there, unable to do anything. It solidified the condition my father was in and maybe that was what hurt worse.
We cruised for a bit and then headed back to Roselle’s. After getting him out of the truck, back into his regular chair, the electric one, we sat and chatted and agreed that was the last of the Nissan rides.
That however was not the last of our mini adventures we would take together. He and I went everywhere, sometimes with my kid brother, but mostly just me and him. We went to the movies, to art shows, car shows, The Getty, baseball games, you name it, and he wanted to go. As I got older, married and had my daughter the outings became less and less. I certainly fault no one that was just life and what was requested of me and my time to get through and my father never complained.
We used Access from there on. Access has its fantastic attributes, but it certainly has a lot of gaps in all of its wonder. Being a government program, funding is an issue, so you sacrifice some, but you sure get some pretty great deals out of it. We will leave that for another time…
Thursday, August 19, 2010
My Father Handicapped in ways, taught me grace
Image by moonjazz via FlickrMy father, whom by now you know was handicapped, transformed into a quadriplegic, taught me more grace, gratitude, patience and love in those 10 years then he had my entire life. Though restricted to his wheel chair, I felt he was freer than I had seen him. My recent blogging, back and forth with others through Living With a Quadriplegic on Face Book and my constant readings at Friday Study Ministries, especially Pastor Ron's Sermon on 2nd Timothy Chapter 2 or in the news CNN Political Tracker or on Nick Vujicic Life Without Limbs has led me to a series of sleepless nights.
Why had I waited so long to reach out to others? Why had I not looked for help for me much earlier? Why am I just now sharing the love my father brought to so many? And most importantly I have been in deep thought on the amazing love my father taught me through grace and gratitude.
Here is a man that had lost what you would consider as everything and yet, he was genuinely happy. That is not to say there were not days, or times where this peace was tried, there were many of those. The days that tested him were especially tough, but as time went on they became farther apart and shorter in duration. It was through his losses, but richness in life that I learned to live a more free life, less hindered from the little things taken or not given to me.
In 1999, though my father and mother were divorcing, my father had a plush life. As a family we had a boat, 4 cars, motorcycles, traveled, a great home, pets, plentiful food, close extended family proximity, and money enough to not worry. Yet, the life he had lived my growing years, was not as fulfilled as the life he lived as a quad. He was filled with worldly desires and needs.
My father in one of our daily talks told me “there were days, weeks, months and years that I had trouble looking myself in the mirror.” He had made decisions that were worldly, decisions that were not based on love; self love or love of others or love of Christ. He had not been living in gratitude or with the grace of God.
He kept chasing satisfaction and contentment, never reached it though, always looking for the newest material possession to fill that constant need. He surrounded himself with stuff, a trait that I had always loved in myself and has since taken me many years to control. He had valued himself (not in comparison to others) from the things he had. Whether it was all the gadgets, widgets and doodads for archery, backpacking, camping, cars, art, woodworking, darts, you name it, trinkets of greatness made him who he was and I was following that path.
WOW! Not healthy, but look into your lives…how many of you out their own a Montblanc pen, a Coach or Louis Vuitton purse, a Mercedes or Beamer? Why do you have those? I’m not different, I have a Montblanc, I buy Coach for my wife, I have a coach wallet, I just saw the perfect H1 Hummer I want, but why? That is what I am battling with and as I get more into the life my dad was teaching me I am working on diminishing the value these items bring to my life. I have started to give away or sell off most of my “trinkets” and it’s been tough, but I realize it is not what makes me who I am. It is hard to understand who YOU are, self actualizing, if the only way you can do so is if you just had insert item. A life valued on stuff is a life lost. A life valued on love filled with stuff is still a life valued on love. You take the stuff away you still have the love. My dad showed this to me.
At the end of the day, my daughter is not influenced by the car I drive, the pen I have, the purse her mommy has, the designer or non-designer clothes she wears. SHE’S TWO! She has no concept; it’s the worldly afflictions that cause these thoughts in us.
So in 2000 when he woke to nothing, my father was forced to accept or give up. Imagine if you had to value yourself on just being you, not what you are capable of doing, what you look like, what you know, what you have, but rather, just you, the core of you, what God gave to you in birth, your soul. My father was not given an easy transition like I have been afforded; he was on a crash course. He quickly began a life of gratitude, thanking the little things that were so monumental, that in his prior life, would have gone unnoticed.
He valued simple conversation, he was never in a hurry, so he missed very little of life. He had the time to stop and look at the clouds and be grateful he was able to do so. He could stop and speak to a stranger, share the Word of Christ, and just be in God’s love. For those of you that are backpackers, when you are back in the sticks, away from the pavement, you know the slowness I am speaking of. To sit in awe of God’s work then is easy and amazing. This is how my father now lived.
His actions, beliefs and love of Christ taught me how beautifully I could really live if I just lived with grace and gratitude. Think about it, that saying all of you out there who are parents, have said to your children or children have heard from your parents, "do as I say, not as I do." Well now I have a father that is living the life he is telling me to live. He has lost all those trinkets, he has nothing and had begun the process of self love and it was powerful to watch.
He died with nothing and alone. I know his heart was full and his spirit was alive with all he ever needed as he lived in Christ the remaining years of his life. I know he died loving me and my brother, Eric and all the loved ones he had hurt, my mother, her family and his friends. But that does not mean there was not a struggle for him allowing himself God’s love to mend his broken heart, for there were many he hurt.
I watched this battle, this war inside him to not allow himself to become broken from the sorrow. He had made marital decisions that were horrible, hurt his best friend, his brother-in-law, destroyed the love and respect from his In-Laws and broke down a father son relationship with my kid brother. He paid for these decisions the 10 years he spent transformed, helping others, speaking and living God’s word. In the process he became a better man, a warrior for Christ and learned to live a life valued with love hoping that one day those he hurt would forgive him, for his mistakes were not Godly, they were worldly and given the same life to live again, but this time in grace and gratitude, would not have been made.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Who You Serve AND How
Image by --Tico-- via Flickr2 Timothy 1:3 “I thank God, whom I serve with a clear conscience the way my forefathers did, as I constantly remember you in my prayers night and day.”.
This is a powerful verse for me and has become even more so after the teachings of Pastor Ron. When he asked his series of questions I instantly went back to my days with my father from the beginning of his transformation: “Is your conscience clear? Do you love the Lord with all of your heart? If so, what is your motive? Do you want to serve others through the gifts He has given to you? Why do you want to do that? If you had to choose between a need for personal significance, what people think of you, and God’s will for you and others, what would be the REASON for your actions?” (http://fridaystudy.org/html/2timothy/2timothy1.htm)
Why had I been there for my dad? Why was I carrying for him and putting so many things aside? Was I truly acting from a pure spirit and selfless nature or was I doing so for “personal significance?” (Pastor Ron's sermon from above). I had always remembered me as selfless, but maybe not, maybe there was more there that I was not looking into. I started to remember some of the resentment that I went through as well. Maybe I just was not as selfless after all.
Once my father transitioned into a Quad he and I would speak quite frequently about being Christian and what that meant. He had developed a new love and faith in the Lord, one you can read about in his story http://www.fridaystudy.org/html/luke/luke11_1.htm and I had been going to church since I graduated high school. My family did not grow up going to church but we were not atheists either. We grew up camping and being outdoors, appreciating nature, learning appreciation of the world and all its might from parents that believed in the soul and spirit, but not a formal religion. I had and still have a weak sense of the Bible in that I am unable to recite scripture at will. However, I have always felt connected deeply to Christ while in prayer and in my actions through life. So, I had some to contribute to our long talks, but he always taught me more.
As the years went on I felt my care for my father was truly selfless and I was serving through the abilities God had given me. People would comment on my selfless care for my father and were more impressed when they discovered my age. My father would teach me His word and relate our particular lives through that topic of the day. He would reassure me I was following a path filled with the love of the Lord, but in the back of my head, deep down buried as I did not want anyone to find out, I felt doubt. Was I really serving the Lord, or was I trying to run the world? Was I trying to fix my father, keep him safe and happy, all the while proving to everyone what an amazing human being I was? Or was I merely doing the work of a servant, graciously and with all the skills He had given me?
Now as I relive these memories, truthfully, I know a good portion of my actions were for those praises I received. I was so accustomed to being the center of attention, the praise I received all my life for being the best in whatever I did, whether that was sports, racing my RC car, music or school, I was always the top.
Overworking myself all those years made me resentful of my father at times and I regret those emotions. Instead of doing what I could do with the abilities God gave me, I tried to muscle in even more and I know it was for the praise and recognition, not the love I got from Him, serving Him and living His word. I was trying to counteract what was set in motion by Him. I was trying to SAVE my father, instead of letting the Lord do His magic. I was keeping my father in a safe and loving place; at least I felt it was me and my duty alone.
As I know now and after studying my life motives through hose trying years, if I had put more faith in God’s love and less trust in myself, I would have been a better servant and able to provide more for my father. God has a plan, He has a life for us all and no human can change that. It was my desire to change this plan God had chosen that created the resentment and guilt in my heart. I knew I was unsuccessful in my drive, therefore the self doubt and resentment started in on me.
I have since been comforted by my readings of Psalm 75 (NIV – New International Version, http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+75&version=NIV):
1 We give thanks to you, O God, we give thanks, for your Name is near; men tell of your wonderful deeds. 2 You say, “I choose the appointed time; it is I who judge uprightly.”
6 No one from the East or the West or from the Desert can exalt a man. 7But it is God who judges: He brings one down, He exalts another.
9 As for me, I will declare this forever; I will sing praise to the God Jacob.
It is futile to dwell on the “what if’s”, you need not read this to learn that lesson. However, as a learned historian, if we do not study our past we will be destined to repeat it. Mostly we learn this on a much larger scale, in government and in Nations, but we must think to apply this process to our own lives. I have put my faith in the Lord and I act accordingly, at least to the best of my humanly controlled ability. My dad would pray for me to do so and that is how I choose to live now. But that does not change the struggles that come at me.
When serving a Quad these challenges are immense and it becomes near impossible at best, much like serving the Lord. The doubt you will poor on your heart, the contemplation you will make before every life decision, will be difficult. How is it fair I am going to do this while they are stuck in bed? Am I doing enough? Did I make the right decision for them? If I leave now, they will be alone the rest of the day, how can I do that? Am I getting enough for him/her today? Have I checked to make sure they are comfortable enough today? The list will continue on and on.
These are impossible questions with difficult answers, but think of hat in which God asks of you every day? Are your actions to show your love of God? Are you acting in His word? Do you love the Lord with all of your heart? Do you love others as you love yourself, no matter what condition the relationship is in? The questions continue and the demand is high, you would go insane knowing the failures you had every day, but God’s love is huge, so you are forgiven every minute and after every failure, after all we are simply human. But imagine if we could all love that same way, you would never feel the sting of guilt and you would act in as much purity as humanly possible in every decision and in every occasion.
In reading from a post Jessica made in our site http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/Living-with-a-Quadriplegic/129886597053877?ref=ts she had written “I do all of his care and I do not work. I get burned out quickly but as of now we wouldn’t have things any other way. Sometimes I am depressed because I feel like I am not doing enough or I can do better. It is a position that is emotionally and physically draining. I love my husband with all that I am…” I am saddened. Here is a woman that is giving all that she has, sure some days might have more in them then others, but her heart is for her husband and she gives the love her all. She continued to make another all too common comment I have heard over the years, commenting on her situation being one that “sometimes [makes] you feel very alone.”
This is what we are here for, love. God has given us the ability to love and wants us to love each other. Here is a woman trying her best with the gifts she has received from Him and yet she is feeling alone at times and defeated. I relate. I have been there and it hurts. While my father was not my husband, I had much pain in the self generated thoughts of being alone or not doing enough for him. While there were supposed places to turn to, there never really seemed to be when I looked.
What I know now, I wish I could have given to myself then, when my father was alive. My father always knew I was doing what I could and never made me feel guilty if I was not with him as much that week. He would always tell me what he loved of me, what my time with him meant and what my actions I did on his behalf would do for him. It was me putting the guilt on and I now believe it is from a personal attribute of acting too many times from a secular benefit, rather from the gifts I have been given from Him, our Lord and Savior.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
My Father as a quadriplegic
My Father As a Quadriplegic
My dad became a quad in 1999. It was quite sudden and the onset was slow as a result of trauma to the upper spinal column, C4. The incident in which he became a quad is one I am not prepared to share for many reasons at this time, but his story changed my life and I would assume I am not alone when I say Living with a Quadriplegic is a life changing event, for all, especially the quad.
I found in the ten years I got to be with my father as he changed into his new life as a quad, that there were very few people, actually no one, that I could rest my pain on. I was there for my father whenever he needed me, not because I felt I had to, but because I could not think of anything else I would rather do. This was not just my father, but one of my biggest hero's and biggest fans. He and I were friends as much as we were father son.
How do you turn to this hero that can't feed himself, or take care of himself and not break down? Who do you turn to, to even begin to hope will understand you? What do you do when you are left with a father that is helpless, who once was the strongest, toughest, biggest man you knew, and now you take care of him? You love him, you live and you laugh.
It took me years to get there and I felt I did it alone. I'm sure there are thousands of resources, but none that came to my aid, while I was going through this. I hope that through this page and my face book page, there might start a community of people with resources, support, encouragement, and love to help those currently going through this.
I am not trying to take anything away from the individual that is now or has been the quadriplegic, any one with any type of spinal cord injury, neck, back or head trauma has a special place in my heart. I don't know how they do it, they have the real strength. But while you are there for them, who is there for you. You need to stay strong for them and to do so you need help.
My father later became very active with Friday Study Ministry's the first on line church and was able to begin his process of healing through helping and accepting Jesus Christ. His story can be found in the Church Pages, but I will weave it here week by week, telling his life and my feelings, hoping to provide encouragement for friends, family, loved ones who are living with a quadriplegic.
My dad became a quad in 1999. It was quite sudden and the onset was slow as a result of trauma to the upper spinal column, C4. The incident in which he became a quad is one I am not prepared to share for many reasons at this time, but his story changed my life and I would assume I am not alone when I say Living with a Quadriplegic is a life changing event, for all, especially the quad.
I found in the ten years I got to be with my father as he changed into his new life as a quad, that there were very few people, actually no one, that I could rest my pain on. I was there for my father whenever he needed me, not because I felt I had to, but because I could not think of anything else I would rather do. This was not just my father, but one of my biggest hero's and biggest fans. He and I were friends as much as we were father son.
How do you turn to this hero that can't feed himself, or take care of himself and not break down? Who do you turn to, to even begin to hope will understand you? What do you do when you are left with a father that is helpless, who once was the strongest, toughest, biggest man you knew, and now you take care of him? You love him, you live and you laugh.
It took me years to get there and I felt I did it alone. I'm sure there are thousands of resources, but none that came to my aid, while I was going through this. I hope that through this page and my face book page, there might start a community of people with resources, support, encouragement, and love to help those currently going through this.
I am not trying to take anything away from the individual that is now or has been the quadriplegic, any one with any type of spinal cord injury, neck, back or head trauma has a special place in my heart. I don't know how they do it, they have the real strength. But while you are there for them, who is there for you. You need to stay strong for them and to do so you need help.
My father later became very active with Friday Study Ministry's the first on line church and was able to begin his process of healing through helping and accepting Jesus Christ. His story can be found in the Church Pages, but I will weave it here week by week, telling his life and my feelings, hoping to provide encouragement for friends, family, loved ones who are living with a quadriplegic.
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