Often times we forget how badly we are effected as the parent, son, daughter, spouse or friend to someone who has been or recently become a quadriplegic. Obviously the individual going through this is in great trauma on multiple levels, but sometimes their supporters need support. My father was a quad for 10 years, I was 20 when it happened. I had no one to talk to. I don't want others to feel the same.
I use to worry about my daughter meeting my father. Once we got pregnant, I began to think about how to explain her grandfather to her. How was I going to explain how and why my once strong and mighty father was now a quadriplegic.
I am not sure where this came from. I never felt the need to explain my father to anyone. I certainly had no loss of respect for him, but I guess I was concerned with how my daughter would come to understand him. Sadly, before my daughter was capable of fully understanding her grandfather, my father passed away.
Now all I think about is why I wasted any minute of my day on such a silly concern. Watching my daughter, it is obvious how we as parents feed her fears and concerns. Children are so accepting and non-judgmental. They begin to learn their reactive skills from us.
My daughter did get to meet her grandfather; it saddens me that my son will not be able to meet him though. My daughter saw my father often, not as often as I would have liked. She and he loved their time together. Since his arms were of little mobility, she would lay on his stomach and kiss him, suck on his chin, poke his face and play with his instruments that gave him some freedom, like his computer microphone that controlled his room.
I am encouraged with my daughter’s love of God and growing understanding of heaven. I believe that she will come to understand my father, even though physically she will not remember much of him. My son, too I believe in my heart will grow to have a love and understanding of their grandfather.